Because we need your prayers

The winds of change are blowing over here at the Michaelis house. I have felt a little lost for about 6 months as the silence from the Lord kept seeming louder, oppressive, often frustrating. I wasn't trying to rush things, just wondering when I was going to get a word from Him. And then it came, in the form of a friend with similar struggles.

A few weeks later I found myself in the office of a fertility specialist. A specialist that over 10 friends have gone to or gotten pregnant with. A specialist who normally takes over a month to get into and my first appointment was bumped up by 3 weeks because they had an opening. A specialist I never thought I wanted to see. A specialist who is rumored to be a believer. And there I was listening to what could be the "problem". I laughed at one point and told him that I didn't expect him to play God with me - if the Lord didn't want to open my womb, then no amount of treatment would help me. No question about it at this office - they all know that Jesus is my Rock because not a conversation doesn't go on without Him being thrown in nonchalantly. Because you don't go through a journey like I have and not get closer to Him.

Some of you know these details already, some may be surprised I'm here, and others may not have a clue what I am talking about. If nothing else, I have instantly had a compassion for every friend that went through some sort of this process. I NEVER understood what they were talking about, why the multiple appointments in one week, why all the tears. But now I have entered this intimate club of figuring out why our bodies don't all work the same. Me, being the science major, has loved all the biology of it. The crazy diagnosis that my insides are like that of a 40 year old woman. I'm over the hill and never knew it.

I can't imagine what some women feel when they don't already have a child like we do. I keep assuring my doctor, my nurse, anyone who asks, that we already have our fantastic equation of Derek+Shannon in Justin. Anything extra is just a bonus. My doctor gave us two options in the "elderly state" that my uterus is in: fertility shots or IVF. We have both felt like at this stage in our life that IVF was not for us - just because both our hearts have been stirred towards adoption. No judgment to those that have done it - my Spirit just doesn't give me peace about it. So now we are at the Gonal-F stage:



You infertility gurus out there recognize this stuff. In a matter of 3 weeks I have entered the big leagues with fertility. I have my lovely nursemaid, Derek, shoot this concoction in my lower belly every day for at least 10 days a month. The goal is for my follicles, which house the eggs, to get a certain size as well as 2-3 of them to fully mature, vs. the one we all have each month. My doctor told us we have three months of a successful follicular count to try this out. Which means if I don't have any follicles or more than 4 (quintuplets, anyone?) then it's a wash of a month.

So I lay myself out there with too much information for some because no one can underestimate the power of prayer. When we are vulnerable and share our testimony then the Enemy has less power over us. The Lord gets more Glory with the more people that know the story. I have been apprehensive about fertility doctors for so many reasons. The past week of starting this process has been such a blessing - the Lord has been merciful, knowing my irritations with the process, in making every appointment on a Monday/Wednesday/Friday while Justin is in school. My appointments have been short, and I have a fantastic nurse that I totally love talking to. I already have a good follicle started, and we're praying for more. I have had a blanket of patience and of a supernatural peace this past week that only the Spirit could give. And funny how I don't have much to do on my Mother's Day Out days now that the Lord has pulled me out of so many unnecessary things in my life. He knew what was coming, and he had to get the craziness out.

I am praying for grace that this won't be stretched out over a long period of time. Derek over night has been ready to adopt if this doesn't work out for us. I was definitely ready before the first appointment was ever scheduled. But now my heart cannot share in both dreams at the same time. I can't invest myself emotionally thinking about my own baby and desires and at the same time think about running and getting a child that no one loves and probably isn't getting fed right now. Though as I read more and more things on the internet about the poverty and abandoned children all over the world, I think to myself, why would the Lord hold us back from being a part in this?

One thing I know for certain - some way, somehow, our family will expand. The time is now to start moving forward. I am totally (and somewhat uncharacteristically) hopeful that this fertility process will work. Will I be devastated if I don't get pregnant? Absolutely. But, as a wise friend told me, even holding back and being cautious will not stop the disappointment and grieving that will occur if this doesn't work out. But then we will go find ourselves someone else's baby to love.

My God is good, He is Sovereign, and He is going to blow my mind when this is all over and done with. Until then, will you join me in pleading with Him to open my womb? And I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that Derek and I would love twins. A double portion of blessing - a tall order for an aging uterus, but my God can do anything. And even if He chooses not to, He could do it. And with that, I leave you to go get my daily dose of injection....