Where I am right now

Where I am right now.  It's something I want to remember.  Exactly a year ago Derek and Justin went to Waco and left me all to my lonesome here in Houston.  I thought I would get so much done, and instead the Lord met me in my alone time, in my despair, and knocked me off my feet.  So much in the last three years that I look back on and say, "Wow, look at where He has me now."

So I just want to remember all the emotions that I have been experiencing the last month.

In September we went to the annual Living Water Gala and sat at a table with friends and listened to how the gospel, along with clean drinking water, is being spread all over the world.  We went to our first gala the year before and I am forever changed.  Justin is always talking about the people that drink doodoo water, and he always says it very loudly.  Their message is so simple: All things are gifts from God, on loan to us to help those in need.  Live Simply. Give Generously.  Change Lives.  
 
If only I was so obedient.  

Sorry for keeping everyone out of the fertility loop.  The last month ended so quickly with my monthly visitor.  I admit, I just laid on my pillow, straight out of the shower, and just let the tears just puddle up.  Derek asked what he could do, and I just wanted to be sad.  You know when you just want to be sad and feel sorry for yourself?  As I grieved, I know the Lord was grieving with me.  Such assurance from One who has grieved more than I could ever imagine,

We went to the doc who wanted me to increase my injections to 300ml a day.  He wanted to push me harder, and said I could have a condition where the outer covering on the egg is too hard for anything to penetrate.  Thus why people do IVF, and, unfortunately for us, we'll never know since we aren't going that route.  Then I go to get an ultrasound where they find out I have a lot of residual follicles leftover.  The doc joked that my body was an overachiever (surprise, surprise) and I needed to take the month off.  They wouldn't be able to take a proper egg count in the middle of the month to see if the meds worked correctly or not.

So.

I will say that EVERY little detail was blessed by the Lord - from my doc appointments while Justin was in school, to no emotional change during the injections, to the quickest cycle ever.  And now we have two major back-to-back trips with my cousin's wedding in Phoenix and my 10 year wedding anniversary in a week.   


On the way to the follow-up fertility appointment Derek had casually said maybe we should take the month off since it was so crazy with our trips and such.  I of course said that was a silly thing to say.  30 minutes later it's official.  So I truly feel the Lord has blessed us in removing the stress of it all for this next month.  May I enjoy the freedom from needles!


I recently went to a women's retreat with my church.  I have never been to a Baptist retreat, and I am so glad I got over myself and went.  Such a refreshing weekend.  I needed to be there and hear Donna Gaines.

I want to know the Bible like she does.  She flew through the the chronological bible like none other.  The weekend was based on the story in the Bible about Jesus meeting the woman at the well.  The woman with 5 husbands.  That one.  And yet we are all like her, searching for something and wanting him to meet us there.  

Our very own Gina led a breakout session about how we are all coming from a "there".  And just why are we at that "there"?  So He can show me the glories of His person.  Am I finding satisfaction in Him?  Because nothing can satisfy me like Jesus - not even a baby.


Am I self-obsessed with my "hopes"?  Instead of being satisfied with His presence we ask Him for his presents.  We view the deep waters like it's part of the risk, but sometimes Jesus wants to meet us in the deep so He can do His deepest work and then we look more like Him.  Lord, may I look more like you.

I recently busted out some older Amy Grant CDS from Roland, my ever generous godfather, that I hadn't listed to in awhile.  Her Legacy Hymns and Faith CD has been on some serious repeat.  Justin literally didn't even take a breath the other day when I sung 'It Is Well' acapella.  With his wide eyes he wanted to know who had taught me that song.  Something stirred in that Lutheran blood that he has in his body from both sides of the family.  And now I am a woman on a mission that my son needs to learn some hymns.  This generation never hears them.  Ever.  Need to change that.   And it's no wonder that out of the two Psalty CDS I just ordered that Psalty's Hymnological Adventure is his absolute favorite.

I am currently doing my first BSF study ever.  My mom was in BSF for over 20 years, so I grew up not only going to the program but apparently writing on her lesson notes when we were mad at her.  I truly think it was my brothers because I would never have done such a thing.  :-)  Though at first I thought the whole program was a bit stuffy, I have truly grown to love this very structured organization and the book of Isaiah.  Justin learns so much in the children's program, though he says every Thursday morning that biblestudy is boring and he doesn't want to go.  Then he leaves talking about Jerusalem and Isaiah and all the things they did that day.  I can still remember not wanting to go to the children's program either because I didn't have a lot of best friends in the class.  And look where I am now.

Last story that I will bore you with.  My fingers need a break from all this typing.  Tuesdays have been termed our "Fun Day" as they are the only weekday that Justin either does not have school or we don't go to BSF.  We made a list of things we want to do, and so far we have gone to Chuck E. Cheese, the library, putt putt, Wonderwild, Dave & Busters, and bowling.  We wake up on a Tuesday and talk about where we are going to go.  After turning his first request which is always Chuck E. Cheese, we decide what we are going to do. 

The day we went to the library we needed to go buy some shoes for his ever growing foot.  On the way to the library with a visit to the park for lunch afterward, he said he wanted to go buy more gifts for kids that didn't have anything.  After I paused for a few seconds, I decided why not.  This is exactly the behavior I am trying to fester in his heart. 

So we get to Target and start going up and down the aisles.  I wondered how this would go as he would see so many things he would want for himself.  Instead he would say, "Mommy, I love this, and a kid who doesn't have anything would love this so much too."  And then we would throw it in the cart and go on our way.  The only thing my son asked for was in the dollar section.  There was a viking hat that he asked for that was $1.  He wanted it so he could look like Lyle, the kindly viking, on Veggie Tales.  Ironically, Lyle gives things to the poor.  I of course said we would take it!

Because we all desire a wall of protection around us.

Whether it's clear to the eye or not, the Lord is our shield.

May we all love on someone like Jesus tomorrow.