Discouragement

Last week I was having a bout of discouragement.  And so ironic that it happened as the Advent season was upon us.  I could blame it on starting another cycle, beginning fertility shots for the second time, or just being hormonal.  But the truth of it is I was not trusting in the Lord.  I was doubtful, pessimistic, and just plain grumpy.

I had a strong word come from two friends last Friday that spurred me to stop wallowing in self pity.   To remember that I am a child of God and to endure during the hard seasons.  Just a reminder that the Lord is faithful, He can speak through those around us, and even if it's a hard word, we need to hear it.  I just love a good friend that is not afraid to offend!

During Sunday School yesterday we learned about how in John 15:18-16:4 the world will hate us when we are chosen by the One the world hates.  It is costly to follow Him.  And we will be discouraged about the world's hatred of us.  My eyes perked up as I realized that was my issue - plain ole discouragement.

Shortly after during the sermon at church we were also in John, but this time in the end of chapter 4 and the beginning of 5.  We learned how healing is in the Lord's timing, and in that healing it shows the power of God.  Pastor Gregg forewarned us that he was going to be bold at the end and ask those who needed healing to stand for prayer in the end.  My heart started to pound as that familiar feeling that the Holy Spirit gives me that demands I be obedient.

The last part of the sermon found my mind somewhat rationalizing with the Lord that Gregg was talking about cancer, loved ones that died, etc.  But NOT infertility.  That pounding of my heart continued as I knew the Spirit was telling me to be obedient and thus receive the blessing from that obedience.

The catch is that Justin, who in the past has not been the best church buddy, was with me that morning.  Derek was out of town camping and Justin begged to go to big church for his once a month showing.   The Lord blessed me with a still child who was thumbing through the Bible when Gregg asked those to stand that needed healing.  As I stood, heart pounding, tears flowing, not thinking about "this wasn't really for people like me", the Leungs and the McNallys from our class stood in prayer as we asked the Lord, "God, we know your can and we ask that you would!"

Such refreshment as I left that morning, and so thankful Justin got to play a part of it.  He and I prayed by ourselves that the Lord would heal mommy from her infertility at the end.  It was a special time with my little man who had been so peaceful the entire service.

So in 2 hours when I get my 5th shot of this round of shots, I am hopeful that the Lord will heal me of my "inclusive findings", as the doctor's spread sheet labels me.  Derek and I were so conflicted last week as we started this round, yearning for adoption, thinking this probably won't work, just doubting.  Just not convicted to stop...just yet.

Lord, if it is your will, heal my decaying body.



And on a side note, in the midst of the crabbiness, my neighbor Jody came by on the fly last week to help me stain my front door and do some outdoor clean-up.  I was in my pajamas while Justin had napped, and never got out of them.  In the process of us cleaning the door, Jody helped me haul out some of the old outdoor furniture and other various things leftover after we just had new landscaping done. 

My neighbor Naseem then brought out a grill she no longer wanted, and we had a regular ole Goodwill drop off in my front yard.

Here we are at 5pm with the goods.

It was all gone by 7.  The beauty of living close to a street where everyone can see the goods.

Justin and Betsy were chilling and later joined by the Wilsons for a last minute playdate at the Michaelis'.

While still in my pajamas, 4 other neighbors decided to stop by and see the new landscaping.  And everyone decided to go through my house, that had not looked quite so disastrous in quite some time.  Laundry folded everywhere, Christmas decor spread out, piles of boxes from online orders (free shipping!), etc.  And I realized, as we all know, it's not about the perfect house or about being dressed for the day.  It's about the relationships and how like Christ we are being to those around us. 

Lord, may I be faithful and obedient to what you are calling me to do...