The best is yet to come

We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us, we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.  C.S. Lewis

"Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ. what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance."
Philippians 1:18b-19 

The fog is starting to lift.  It didn't help I was recovering from a sinus infection for the past week as I tried to process the reality of it all.

The fertility shots didn't work.  My secondary infertility still stands.  My doctor suggested a laproscopy to check for endometriosis.  It's time to start gearing up for adoption.

Ironically, just today I was realizing how normal I felt for the first time in months.  I feel balanced, more like myself.  Just took two weeks for my body to drain themselves of the expensive meds I had been taking.

The Lord has been so faithful in revealing just how much He loves me in the past week and a half.  On the day my cousin, Ginger, prayed for a specific way for the Lord to show how much He cared my sweet friend Dana sent a beautiful bouquet of flowers.  And her response was that the Lord stirred her to do it.  Plain and simple.  Every message I have listened to has been about how big the Lord's love is...for me.  Just me.  Not to mention every one else.  The encouragement from so many people telling me to press on.

Derek and I went to dinner the Sunday after the lovely realization that I still had an old cranky uterus.  We sat and talked about where we thought the Lord was leading us with adoption.  How we don't think we will bring in a child with the same color skin as we have.  As Derek puts it, it's just a different color.  But yet we are ALL created in His image.  And heaven is going to be a sea of color.

So why does my flesh battle with my spirit?  It makes me catch my breath as to what is next, though I have seen the Lord's hand in it for a long time.  He has been pulling away the scales at my eyes and showing me the need.  I want to disrobe my unbelief of what is to come.  To stop being impatient and just be.

Piper puts it this way:

Impatience is a form of unbelief. It's what we begin to feel when we start to doubt the wisdom of God's timing or the goodness of his guidance. It springs up in our hearts when the road to success gets muddy or strewn with boulders or blocked by some fallen tree. The battle with impatience can be a little skirmish over a long wait in a checkout lane. Or it can be a major combat over a handicap or disease or circumstance that knocks out half your dreams.

The opposite of impatience is not a glib, superficial denial of frustration. The opposite of impatience is a deepening, ripening, peaceful willingness either to wait for God where you are in the place of obedience, or to persevere at the pace he allows on the road of obedience—to wait in his place, or to go at his pace.

And so we continue to wait.  And I keep hearing the same message in my spirit.

The Lord is Sovereign.

The night before Derek told me to just start volunteering that the school to get used to the culture. The day after our conversation of where we thought the Lord was leading us to adopt, I received a letter from Yellowstone Academy, a unique school here in Houston that serves low-income children in a christian environment.  We decided to financially sponsor a child, and wouldn't you know I got our child's photo in the mail.  A beautiful 4 year old girl that was 6 weeks older than Justin.  My heart caught in my throat as I looked at the dark skin, a smile upon her face.  I could feel the Lord pulling another scale off my heart.

I had been wanting to shepherd a child as well from the program.  I finally on Monday made the call and am taking Justin to meet our four year old boy they will choose for us to take on outings once a month.  The poor girl in charge of the program got to listen to me ramble, though her excitement rose as I kept talking.  Telling her I couldn't wait to make a difference in another child's life that wouldn't have a chance to even go to Chick-fil-a.  To make a difference for the kingdom.  To point a child to Christ.  That we were probably going to become a inter-racial family and through this process the child we mentor might change us more than we would change him.

When I told Justin we were going this next Tuesday to meet our new child, he asked if the kid would come live with us every day until he died.  I smiled, telling him that he wasn't but we were going to get a child soon that would.

The Lord is Sovereign.

Many have asked the same few questions, all out of love, all out of accountability.  Have I grieved?  Have I taken the time to mourn?  I have been thinking a lot about this.  And in truth I have been mourning the loss of what I thought I would have for over three years now.  I have had the chance to think "if this does not, then....".   So after recovering form a sinus infection last week I started this past week making phone calls about adoption.

I was talking with my buddy Caryn on the phone and she was saying how she couldn't wait to have a front seat of our adoption story unfold and be at the airport waiting for us to bring home our next little one.  Which reminded me of the time when I was in high school caravan to a Texas Rangers' game.  Caryn's mom decided we could stop off at DFW to greet our youth pastor, Bob, and his wife with their new little one they had adopted from China.  So I somehow was one of the front row participants as they came off the plane, hugging and crying with everyone (back in the day when you could wait at the gate).  The Lord knew I needed to be there, without me knowing I would someday be on the other side of the gate.


The Lord is Sovereign.

I grew up in a white world.  White church, white high school, white college, white dental school.  It's just the way it was.And then I became a baseball player's wife.  And the white world came to a quick halt.  Surprisingly, as I became introduced to other cultures, the non-white players became my favorite.    We were buddies, always giving each other a hard time and calling me Big Dude's wife.  And now our neighborhood street and catty-corner neighbors are anything but American Caucasians.  I have become part of the melting pot before I too have a melting pot family.


The Lord is Sovereign.

So what now?  

Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing,  but to turn it into glory.  William Barclay

To continue to live our lives in obedience that could only point others to Christ.  

How else will the Lord get believers to take care of his abandoned children out there unless He closes their wombs?  So many orphans, and we have the means to do it.  The heart for it.

It scares me to death.  My flesh is wary of where the Lord is leading us.  But thank the Lord that He can help me overcome my unbelief.  Overcome my fleshly desires. 

Big things are coming our way.  I don't have a bashful bone in my body as the Lord has given me a bold spirit.  May I use it for His Glory.

This was always the Lord's Plan A.  This is not a second thought.  I am thankful for the road I have been on spiritually these last 3 years.  I wouldn't trade it.  Not even for a brood of babies.  This trial has made me stronger.  And I hope it has made you stronger as well.