January - where did it go?

For a girl who was so pumped to almost be caught up on blog posts, I sure did let the month get away from me. But I have noticed, due to the small number on my google reader each day, that January seemed to do the same thing for everyone else as well. And I STILL haven't done a post about Christmas. Oh well, it will come in it's own due time. I just haven't had the motivation, time, energy, etc. to get around to editing my own photos from Christmas, much less all that went on in January. That's the problem with shooting in RAW - I have to edit the photos to put them on the web, and an album of 70 photos always seems a bit daunting. Wah, wah, wah, right?

And that's the irony - I almost got a post ready of our laidback January in the middle of last month and then everything just started to slowly come to pieces. January was of of the most relaxed months I have had in the past 2 years. I kid you not - until the end of the month the three of us have never spent so much time together on the weekends with just us. Somewhat sad when you think of it. And just when I thought I could go on forever in this world of no commitments, nothing on the social calendar, and no worries, well, there were other plans for this family.

It all seems small, but when you write it all down you can see why the stress of it all can just weigh on you. Our downstairs heater became quite the entertainer for about 2 weeks. This was during the really cold weeks in January, with lows in the teens here in Houston. It would work starting about 10am each morning, and would start to act up around 5pm each evening. My heater guy would get to my house every day at, you guessed it, about 10am, and it would miraculously be working. We would think that everything was fine, and then would come downstairs each morning and it would be 56 degrees downstairs. Never has the Michaelis household bought so much firewood. After fixing the flame starter, the thermostat, and finally the blower, we got the heater to work on its own all day long.

In that process of never feeling warm for half the month, I started taking uncharacteristically hot showers. It was the only time of the day where I just felt the thaw come out of my frozzzzzen toes. So imagine my surprise when I go to the doctor to check out a spot on my collarbone that I thought might be a Staph infection that would never clear up to get a diagnosis of eczema. I literally whipped my head around at the physician's assistant. I had not had the dry itchy skin disease since I was 14 years old. So not only do I have a steroid medicine I have to put on everyday, but now I have to take lukewarm showers. Brutal - back to frozen toes, and now I am having lesions pop up on my scalp. So not use the hairdryer maybe?

Then my sweet dog, Roxy, keeps me up all night itching. I literally want to banish her from my room for the day when I look at her belly and see fleas. All. over. her. And did I mention I was sitting on my bed when I saw this? All my bedding goes to the cleaners, we get our carpets cleaned, treat our whole house with lovely insecticides, and even bathed Roxy in Dawn dish soap. I still imagine little black bugs crawling on me at night in my bed.

Derek last minute got a new pacemaker put in. And in case you are in shock that he even had one, you are not alone. He got one when he was 16 years old in high school. With this surgery he now has his third pacemaker to keep his heart ticking. Justin now tells us that when he grows up he wants to be a daddy and get a pacemaker as well. He can't wait to have surgery. Might need to pull him aside and tell him there are other aspirations in life than wanting a pacemaker.

Justin's school has an auction in March and somehow I got the job of taking all 70+ kids' photos, editing them, and developing them into 8x10s to make money for the school. That, my friends, is why you have not seen a single photo on this blog in almost a month. I wanted to be done with it, and just finished editing on Friday. Freedom! My biggest helper in getting every single one of those kids to smile was mini marshmallows. Go buy you a bag and strap them onto your camera strap. And get a personality and tickle the little fellas as well. That always helps. But seriously, I had kids following me around the playground, begging for a smile in exchange for a marshmallow. I haven't never thought anything was more funny.

One of the harder children to photograph was....drumroll...my son. Not because he was uncooperative but because he gave me too much of a pose. I had to crop this photo vertically to get rid of the arm he had slung on the fence. I finally got the photo that Justin chose for the auction, but not without trying very hard to get a relaxed pose.


And no, that was not THE photo.

Once again, I know that I still have to post about Christmas, but the least I could do is share what my sister-in-law, Kaki, talked me into making. Now remember that I am not crafty, but I have to admit that this Valentine's Day wreath was so easy to make!


After basically copying this post on every little detail, like buying the same ribbon with the white piping to cover the wreath with, we had ourselves a winner. I do admit that I ran out of ribbon and finished the rest of the wreath with red, yes red, duck tape.


These fun damask cupcake liners came from Hobby Lobby. I bought 6 packages of 50 each each, and we used almost every single one of them. Kaki has never been a wreath girl, whereas I have 10 of them, sitting in my attic, just waiting their turn to be used. I love having a creative member of the family to help spur me on in these areas! And I even bought my first glue gun to commiserate this firsts of making a wreath.


I know this post is all over the place, but I had to throw this in the randomness of it all. My neighbor, Dawn, owns Pickles and Ice Cream, a super fun maternity store in the galleria. She does booths at a lot of markets around town, and recently had a booth next to Angie's Cake. I know a lot of you make cake balls (and actually enjoy the process), but I have never had the urge to make them myself. And why would I after tasting these pretty puppies?

Dawn gave me a sampler box with a dozen cake balls, chocolate, vanilla, and chocolate mint. Derek, Justin, and I have never made more affirming noises while eating our bitesize desserts. She makes all sorts of themed balls, like these that would have been fun for the Super Bowl. Anyways, me thinks I am going to have to place an order of these sometime soon.


And then I will end with a complete 180 from most of this post. This past month has brought my family an enormous amount of spiritual oppression. A friend at our Sunday School women's dinner termed her life with that phrase, spiritual oppression, and I thought it was a most appropriate phrase. I am not going to go into much detail, but my heart has been so heavy for the last several weeks. I cannot remember the last time I have been on my knees so many times each day. I was talking with a buddy at the park today about it, and she and I were talking about how so many families right now are going through the same thing. So many prayer requests of people just feeling beat down. And then she said what I have been feeling for almost 2 years now: "The Spirit is on the move, so the Enemy knows his time is short."

The Spirit is on the move. But so is the Enemy. So families like mine are just crying out to the Lord, begging for mercy. I knew that this semester needed something different out of me. I knew it when I felt the need to only do one biblestudy, to start to pull out of some of my social obligations, and to just be still. I have been telling some of you for a couple months that the Lord wants me to be still in the beginning of the new year. It was to prepare me for the fight that my soul has been dealing with. My mom has always joked that I am the Advocate for the family. If anyone says anything or messes with anyone that is dear to my heart, then watch out. Shani is going to be all over it. And that's how I feel right now - almost like I need to bare my teeth at the devil as he keeps messing with those that I love so much.

The one study I have been involved in this semester is Beth Moore's Heart Like His. I have been craving some Beth homework, and I finally got a study with one. Ironically, every single day of homework there is a verse that speaks to me that directly relates to this darkness that has come over my family. The Lord is going to get so much Glory from this, as He always does. He will work it out.

My buddy Jenn gave me a CD for Christmas from the church we used to attend. Faithbridge has always had great worship, and their new CD, You Alone are God, has been the CD that I will associate this season of life with. When a song is running through my head these days, it's one of the ones off this CD. Today Justin and I were driving home from a birthday party in Spring when a huge thunderstorm hit. The rain was so loud that Justin asked if I could turn up the music louder. My local KSBJ was not doing it for me, so I put this CD in. I think the Holy Spirit was giving me a chance to crank the music with Justin along for the ride. I gratefully turned up the volume and just worshipped to my favorite song on the CD, Healer. With one hand in the air and tears in my eyes, I just spent a few great minutes of quality time with the Lord.

I am just asking for prayer. The Spirit is on the move, and the Body has never been more important to stand together to fight the mess that keeps coming out way. I finish this very long post with the words from the CD. I will catch up on posts later. Story of my life. But for now I need to go back into the battle. Isn't it great that we know who will win in the end?

Healer
We are people in need of grace
We are bound by all our mistakes
Here in our weakness can You bring your strength
We are in need, we are in need

We lift our song to You, the healer of our soul
Would You come and restore the things that have been lost
We have no life except the life You give
Healer, heal us

You are gracious in all Your ways
Your compassion, it never fails

As we draw near to You we cannot help but say,
"We are amazed, we are amazed!"

Calling for grace, calling for mercy
Calling for love, calling for You

The start of the rest of our lives

I am starting this out with a disclaimer (there is no other Shani way to do it) - there is no possible way I have the time to write down all there is to say about this journey, nor the brain cells to remember it, let's be honest with ourselves. 

Now that I got that off my chest, where to begin.  The day we met our forever children.  The journey that has been a roller coaster ride, but oh His grace, His fullness, His mercy.  Everywhere I turn, He is lavishing me with undeserved blessings.

I am going to copy an email I sent out the night before we got to meet our kids.  It's the only way I can remind myself of how many ways the Lord went before me, as I had knelt at the throne of grace, telling me....wait, child.  And waited we did.  And now my heart is full.  Cannot write any of this without a face full of tears.  It's a good reminder on this cold, rainy day, filled with a house of unsaved sinners, all in need of grace.  That only He can give.

To our mighty legion of intercessors,

We rejoice in the Lord's grace all week.  I am scatter brained, and information keeps changing.  So bear with possibly incomplete thoughts and ramblings.  

Last Friday my caseworker came to the house where conveniently all four grandparents were in town (which never happens) for a double header baseball game.  Due to Justin's broken arm mid season we had some catching up to do.  So the caseworker, let's call him GT, comes over and hangs out and eats dinner with us.  I think the whole fan was as enamored with him as we have been.  He was saying that the kids we end up with were born specifically for our family.  Not a dry eye in the place.  Couldn't have planned all the out of town guests to be around.  GT said most same workers never meet the daily they go to represent.  That's nuts. He said he likes to be best prepared. Thank you, Lord, for our GT who cares!

Tuesday was our big day where we had our RAS meeting to find out if we were picked for the kids we had prayed about.  Three families were up for grabs.  Apparently the caseworker and the facilitator met before the 1pm meeting and had already agreed that we were the favorite. I got an email at 1:50pm asking about when Derek got his pacemaker.  I admit it sent me in a tizzy. I cried out to the Lord asking that the pacemaker, which had already raised some red flags of annoyance, would not be the wedge that cut us off.  GT told me later that he was only asking in case they asked him.  

I am jamming to worship music, on my knees in prayer, and aching with hunger with my second attempt at fasting. The home phone rings at 2:37, but it just says the cell phone number without the persons name.  I answer and the music is too loud for me to hear. Then I hear the quiet voice of my caseworker telling me we were number 1. They rank the families 1-3 in case one of them pulls out midway.  

I literally just stand there stunned.  I start rambling about my day and how I had been earnestly fasting and praying and then he tells me I am on speaker phone. We laugh, and then he asks if we can meet the kids on Friday. What does our Friday look like?  Stunned once again as I thought it would be many weeks before we met them. I tell him my Friday can look like whatever he wants it to look like. He says let's meet at 10am and then he gets off to call me back later. 

I immediately call Derek, but for some reason the call won't go through. So I go to my knees in overwhelmed thankfulness to the Lord. And then the weight from the years of this long season just seems to be lifted.  And I just start sobbing. From the depths of my soul I start to release the tears.  No more sadness as He has turned my tears into dancing and joyous laughter. 

It was a sweet time, much needed, with a final closure on what I thought I once wanted. 

I call my husband, who after I told him we were meeting the kids in three days just sat stunned. Didn't see it coming is an understatement. But how gracious of the Lord to move it along quickly!

I start the phone calls and texts. Which I got a new phone two weeks ago to replace my old messed up one and sent texts to the short list I currently had on my phone memory. The rest I just had to rely on the Lord to give me because I was having a hard time remembering anything. 

GT calls back and says they are motivated to move this along and want to do a foster-to-adopt placement and place them by Tuesday.  As in one week. My jaw literally drops. Oh my word. I tell him that's great.   He says we will love the kids caseworker as he cried two times during the meeting. GT says wait until you meet the MICHAELIS' as you will all be crying the entire time. I love it. 

Justin wakes up from his nap and we tell him about the kids. He gets the big dimple grin and then Derek asks him if he's excited or nervous. He says definitely excited and looks quizzically and asks why he should feel nervous?  

Then it's game time and Justin gets on his uniform for a makeup rainout game before his baseball playoffs this weekend. He's been taking about it all season. 

The kids caseworker, which we will call RJ, then calls me.  He says he normally doesn't call like this but is so excited because of how much he loves these kids. He said if he was in a place to adopt them he would adopt them himself. He said when he saw our life book, which is unlike anything he had seen before, he just knew. And he didn't know if it was subliminal but the cover had Justin with his lost tooth as the main photo. He said it was better than a photo of the whole mainly because it showed how much we love kids. I said I just thought it was a cool photo artistically and described a lot about us (dental hygienist talking here). 

I got giddy talking about how great these kids were. I know there's a long journey ahead of us but how sweet of the Lord to give me children whose caseworkers and care givers care so much about them. 

Then I find out yesterday they are coming my house Saturday morning at 10am to stay the weekend and then Monday at 10am is the official placement.  Then the clock starts ticking and hopefully by national adoption day, before thanksgiving, it would all be finalized and they would be MICHAELIS'. Sorry for the all caps but my iPad does that every time and I'm too lazy to care.  

So......

Tons of people asking how to help. Several friends loving me by acts of service and running errands for girl things that make my head spin. Bloomers under dresses...new world, people!  I have such a wonderful group of people taking care of me.  I am in that fog like when we moved in where I can't seem to do anything and I walk around in circles.  Friends that have loved me selflessly - I love you.  I cannot repay you. You have been the body in so many ways. Acts of service make me feel so loved.  

My sweet sister in law, Elise, and nephew, Daniel, are in until Friday and have been blessing us with their presence. Elise is such a calming spirit to me to have around.  Anointing my house with prayer, encouraging me to say no to things, making me food and making beds.  She knows my love language!

My kitchen tiles broke in a few places and were replied on Tuesday. There has been a cloud of dust that doesn't seem to go away lingering all over the house. Nothing gets me more in a tizzy than random weird things going wrong in the house.   

Speaking of tizzy, Monday afternoon Justin seemed to be in a sinful spiral so we took a break and did one of his devotionals. He then asked to read the ten plagues. I asked all ten?  And he confirmed. So we snuggled up and read about pharaoh's hard heart and Egypt not letting the Israelites go. Moses and his obedience to the Lords instructions. Then we came across this verse in chapter 9 of Exodus:

¹⁵ For by now I could have stretched out my hand and struck you and your people with a plague that would have wiped you off the earth. ¹⁶ But I have raised you up^[a] for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.

Through tears I told Justin that that was the exact reason why we have been on this long journey. The Lord could have brought us babies long time ago. But He chose not to because His Glory and His Name were at stake. Such a great word I have been clinging to this week. 

I was thinking on Sunday while I was writing in my prayer journal how I starting desiring baby #2 right before Justin turned 1. Which was right around the time the 4 yr old boy was born.  And how in February 2009, after leaving a baby shower (#3,578) and just sobbing on the way home while listening to Natalie Grant's Make a Way. Telling the Lord I was tired of celebrating everyone else. What about me?  And I heard Him audibly tell me in the car ,"It's not just about you. It's bigger than that.".  And then 3 yr old girl was born the next month. The Lord and His timing. 

I haven't been the same ever since. Watching Him weave so many people interested in this saga. I wouldn't trade it for anything. It has changed me, softened me, released me. Suffering for His Glory and all the while opening up my home to children that need one. 

I remember Wendi telling me her cousin fostered and I would do a good job since I love other people's children well. Jen telling me I should use Arrow Ministries someday and do the CPS thing. Ashley with her passion for adoption and I would try to hide in a corner. Politely telling them and many others that just wasn't for me. 

And here we are. 

And RJ, the kids caseworker, is cool.  But there are CPS rules. For awhile we need to refer these kids as out foster kids, not the long awaited completion to our family. So not Justin's brother and sister quite yet but our foster kids. 

My buddy, Dana, helped decorate the kids' room, which they shared at first.  They were used to sleeping together and we already had the two beds.  It is now a 100% girl room.

 As I have been getting this email together, I am a little dumbfounded at how crazy this all was!  Waking up one morning knowing we were going to meet our kids!

Driving to the CPS office was strange.  I was nervous, excited, and everything in between.  We get there and meet the caseworker that picked us.  He is so young, and yet another person the Lord used on this journey to do His biding.

Then we are ushered into a room.  And we meet the foster mom while my future babies are playing on the ground.  They both look nothing like the photo we saw, which as a detail oriented person I first take in.  It's awkward, making small talk with the woman who was called "Mom" for a year and a half.  Trying to take in the kids, and later finding out the CPS caseworkers are on the other side of the glass watching the whole thing.  Putting it together we all like Rice University, getting the kids' schedules, watching both boys start to climb like animals on the chairs.  I keep thinking, "When can we take them somewhere?  Will they even want to go with us?  When will the little girl talk to me?"

And then they tell us we can go. We all agree we will be back by 3pm.  And we load up the kids....and leave.

From another email:

The day couldn't have gone better. We hung out at the CPS office for about an hour which is a little awkward knowing someone is behind the glass window watching, which I learned halfway through. Talked with the foster mom who ran a tight ship with not a lot of sugar intake, naps, bedtime, etc.  They still nap - praise Jesus come join our napping family. They love Rice University and just so happened to be at the same game last Sunday that Derek and Justin were at for the 12 inning shoot out.  Small world. 

We then went to chick fil a where little girl starts going through my purse with a vengeance and putting on lip gloss. Melted my heart that girly girl. grabbed my mirror and carried it around the entire day. Would look in it to check herself out a lot.  Little boy want to do everything Justin wants to do. They literally wrestled and played the whole time at the office. Apparently little boy is also physical touch and loves hugs. Welcome, once again, to our family. 

We went to the zoo. Took the stroller for the first time in years. Baby girl has a cast due to a hairline fracture on her leg. Doesn't stop her from doing anything. Today didn't like having her picture taken unless I was holding her. Wanted me to hold her, hold her hand, Smile at her.  Playfully but firmly didn't want Derek to hold her. That will change. 

Little boy is hilarious. Ball of energy, never meets a stranger, waved at everyone, and always asked where Justin was.

 These kids are STILL infatuated with the dinosaurs.

 We didn't use the BOB long, but was glad we had it for Little Miss and her cast.

 Lex didn't want to smile for the camera, but I finally got her to open up.  And her smile is electric.

 These two...such buddies.  Now they call Justin Bubba.  They took to each other immediately.  Levi does ANYTHING Justin does, and constantly is seeking his approval.

 This relationship took awhile.  Lexi definitely had issues with grown men.   But now she runs into her Daddy's arms whenever he gets home.  Always wants a kiss like Mommy gets.  A picture of how our Heavenly Father loves us.

 Levi is so easy to just throw up on you and carry around.  Justin wanted to do the same thing, but Derek can only carry so much.  :-)

 Me and my babies.  They. look. just. like. us!

 Levi loves to hug and touch, as does Justin.  Loved this hugging going on all day.

 Mother daughter relationship.  It's been a blast having a buddy to do girly things with!

Back from another email:

Wasn't like an a-ha moment like these were out forever kids because we were always talking about what their "mommy and daddy" say or do. But Derek and I kept looking at each other saying it shouldn't be so easy. It just flowed. It was natural. 

Things I heard them say.  She told me she had a mommy that cared for her but now I would be her mommy. I asked her if that was okay. She said yes with a big smile. He talked about wanting to be adopted and a forever mainly and how he was so excited to be in our family.  They obviously had been prepped well. 

I feel more at ease tonight than I have all week. Maybe because I know the Lord will provide. 

This song still brings tears to my eyes and I can't sing it without crying. A wise friend asked me why, checking my heart. I told her because I could truly say it was well with my soul. Thankful for the journey. Striving to be faithful to the Faithful One. 

When peace, like a river, attendth my way

When sorrows like sea billow roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

I can ramble no more. Mental exhaustion has set in.  Off to sleep one last time as a mother of one. 

So we go to bed, sleep well, and then at 9am the next morning they show up with Rocky.  Alexis drags her cast over to Roxy and doesn't move for 30 minutes.  Levi goes upstairs to the plethora of toys that Shawnna had bought for my kids.  Rocky, their caseworker, their advocate, their ultimate buddy, watched as he was quickly forgotten.  He leaves, we play, then sit down for a quick lunch.  Then it's off to Justin's baseball playoffs that he has been dreaming about for months now.  

We run into the Wilburns and everyone in between.  It's weird, its fun, I feel like I am daydreaming.  Justin's team loses (praise Jesus!), and I take the younger ones, my new ones, home solo for a nap.  I can handle this, right?  I take care of lots of kids.  Piece of cake.  On the way home I ask them what they want to call me.  Levi says Momma and Lexi says Mommy.  Melt. my. heart.

We get home to this banner from Mariana and Erica.  It stayed up for weeks!

 They loved it and felt so loved.  I then take them to their room, turn off the light, turn on the noisemaker, and then Lexi freaks out.  Starts screaming which makes Levi cry.  Both want their old mommy and want to go home.  I eventually call Derek, whose cell phone is on vibrate, and tell him to leave the baseball end-of-the-season party and get home.  NOW!

I find out later they slept with a closet light on, Lexi was still in a crib (let that sink in), and no noisemaker.  I sleep with Lexi, having to basically keep her in her bed, as she sobbed exhausted tears.  She finally falls asleep, and Derek laid down with both boys in the other room doing the same thing.

I had lots of friends that had wanted to be waiting at my house when the  kids came, which of course would have been a big no-no.  Everyone was waiting in the distance, seeing what was needed, or thus allowed.  My parents were on their way to the beachhouse and called if we needed anything.  I sobbed that we needed dinner and didn't even feel like one of us oculd leave the other while going to get it.  They bring us Lupe's, play with the kids, and help us out them to bed.  And had conversations with Levi about the couch having legs and red eyes under his bed.  Poor boy had a bag of skeletons and lots of deep questions about his mommy loving him in heaven and such.  TOO MUCH for a four year old!

That afternoon, in our delightful fog of joy and terror, we played some t-ball.  Levi is a lefty!  Welcome to the family of lefties! 

 Patient daddy.

Lexi is a girly girl!  Which is funny with her granola Birdie.

 And Lexi asked me to sign her cast in front of the caseworker.  I looked for approval as to what to sign, and decided on Shannon. I later wrote Mommy.

 Debbie brought us hooded towels and ran other mindless errands of things we "needed".  Justin still weighs the combined weight of the little ones.

 Once deprived of bows, now can't decide what to wear.

 My parents took this on their way out.  We were all reading in my Bible chair about a children's devotional.  Best way to start out!

 Picking berries before dinner.  And no, we didn't eat them.

 Levi wanted to bake a cake for Jesus.  They were instantly saturated of their Savior from day 1.  So we busted out Pamela's gluten free cake and icing mix.  And sang happy birthday to Jesus...in May. 

 One of the few times I took photos of visitors.  The Wilsons and Laxmisdas' came over with new and old goodies to give the kids.  And enjoyed the gluten free goodness warm from the oven.  And then Derek kicked them out, making our long bedtime routine (me sleeping on the ground to get the new ones to settle down) to begin at 8pm sharp!

 The next day after we got the kids, as in 24 hours, we decided to go to church.  I grabbed the first dress form the bag of clothes from Erica (my house at this point was a hurricane disaster of things everywhere), attempted a side ponytail using rubber bands I haven't used since, and away we went.  Lexi sat in church with us and Levi and Justin were in the same class.

 Reminds me of some Smith boys

 Levi and Lexi's clothes from their old house.  Rocky brought them after we signed all the papers from Arrow and CPS on Monday as an official foster placement.

 Everyone helping Daddy workout

 Levi's first Lochinvar experience.

 Lexi's first pedicure, broken leg and all.

 Gift #498.  I have some serious love coming from countless friends and family loving on us in the greatest needs possible.

  And I wrote this last email before falling off the face of the earth with any type of modern communication for months...

Things I don't want to forget.

Lexi loves the monitor. She wants me to be in another room while she goes in her room and says, "Hi momma!"

They love electric toothbrushes and want to brush their teeth all the time. Praise Him!

Leevye about every hour will call out, "Momma?  Where are you?  I want to give you a hug."

Leevye sleeps with "his brother" for nap but still is frightened at night. He asked Derek last night about the couch growing legs while Derek and Justin were reciting psalm 56 about when you are scared. Derek told me later he has some demons and I have been praying that the spirit of fear would leave him.

They love my "Bible chair" as they call it. When we gave them the tour of the house their eyes lit up when I told them I sat in my chair and read God's Holy Word. We get out the Bible and talk about what it means. We have busted out all the old Bibles in the house and every time they wake up from nap or bed they want to immediately go to the chair and read a Bible story. It's so hard to discern where to begin as there is so much to tell them. Leevye after our prayer yesterday said,"I'm trustin Jesus today". I pray he does.

I have been prayerful of where to go back with biblical instruction. Yesterday we started the ABC bible verse book and had LOTS of chances to practice "a soft answer turns away wrath" from proverbs 15:1.

Leevye yesterday said when the devil gets in his head he hits his head. Or watches a movie not to be scared. So we talked about trusting Jesus instead and praying the Lord will protect our thoughts. So at breakfast he said he could feel the devil in his head so he stepped out of the room and said a quick prayer to trust I Jesus. Sweet boy.

The kids love to hold hands during prayer before meals.

Leevye potty trained but wants to wear pull up like everyone else at night. So now we all wear pull ups and only my eldest wakes up wet. But seriously I couldn't have asked for more with three kids in undies during the day. Praise Him for the little things!

I was thinking on day 2 of bathing Lexi with her cast how good of the Lord to allow Justin to have a hairline fracture on his arm a month before so the cast didn't overwhelm me and wasn't just one more thing to stress me out.

I have been amazed, only by His grace, how I carry on each day, stress free. Each day feels like a month, not in the length but how far we've come each day. Each day is so much better than the last. If only Derek could stay home everyday (he's off this week) and just help put kids down for nap.  We are needing people to sleep with us initially and in different rooms. It will get better.

They both love the windows down in the car and love sticking their head out of the sunroof when we get in the garage.  It's the little things.

Leevye likes to get our guests water and runs to my vase cabinet and wants to give everyone a vase as their party favor as they leave. Such a giving spirit. So eager to please.

Lexi is funny with men. I hope this changes as we were talking about how she doesn't like daddy bc he is pretty. I quickly talked about daddy being the authority and the Lord wants us to desire to respect him. Each day gets better as she receives love, hugs, and asks for him more and more.

I desire alone time with Leevye and yesterday the Lord answer my prayers by giving me confidence in not always having Lexi on my hip. Leevye woke up first yesterday morning and we had sweet time.

Roxy has also been a faithful helper in putting kids to bed. Last night Leevye and Lexi and I were in their room and everyone got to choose one breathing creature. Leevye got Roxy and Lexi got her momma. Then Lexi wanted Roxy, so I told her I was going to Leevye. Will once she realized momma left her bed she started wailing. I stayed out, and sure enough after 3 minutes she stopped. Leevye as he was falling alseep got a back rub from me like my parents used to do. He kept putting his arm around my neck almost securing me in place for the night. They all understand I sleep with Daddy and am only there for a brief moment.

I sleep six hours and then the Lord wakes me up around 4am. I then have sweet time with Him in the morning, answer a few emails, make a few amazon orders, and catch my breath.

I have just felt His grace in all of this. Yesterday CPS and my caseworker and my foster caseworker from Arrow were all over for paperwork. Apparently, due to info I will not give, they needed to be quickly removed from their last home. Thus why we are doing foster to adopt and not a straight adopt. So now I have to do weekly paperwork. A minor set back I would trade for all the "mommy" and hugs I get all day now.

Derek has been such a great daddy. Always helping, hugging, kissing, nurturing.

It's a blessing I can't blog about this.  I need to just be where I am at. I was thinking I would have taken photos of everyone who came to visit, etc. don't be shy about coming to see us. We have had unannounced or last minute visitors all afternoon and evening each day. The kids love everyone who comes and the more kids the merrier. Lexi loves her some baby.

My caseworker, GT, came over yesterday and I was telling him how we have bonded so quickly. He said we are only looking a the now. It has been God ordained that I would be these kids' mother. So of course they would take to me because they were always supposed to. I could listen to that man all day. He is so encouraging, and told me to give his cell number to anyone who ever wanted it.

I have never seen such hunger for a Savior. It has been such a sweet picture of the gospel.  I feel like Leevye thinks that nothing else worked so why not try this. We talk about the Lord, in our verbal correction, in creation, in our prayers, etc.  and they are asking on top of that. They want more. They yearn for their Creator because He designed them to want Him. O Lord, may you gather them into your flock.

You will love our sweet kids. You will smile when they sin and know that all we can do is verbally correct. You will bed amazed at how they automatically seem like they have been with us for much longer. And you will praise the Lord in His great faithfulness on display for all to see. He is faithful, and He is being glorified in our open display of our family.

I hear stirring children. Off to start the day.

Off to start my life...