Now that I got that off my chest, where to begin. The day we met our forever children. The journey that has been a roller coaster ride, but oh His grace, His fullness, His mercy. Everywhere I turn, He is lavishing me with undeserved blessings.
I am going to copy an email I sent out the night before we got to meet our kids. It's the only way I can remind myself of how many ways the Lord went before me, as I had knelt at the throne of grace, telling me....wait, child. And waited we did. And now my heart is full. Cannot write any of this without a face full of tears. It's a good reminder on this cold, rainy day, filled with a house of unsaved sinners, all in need of grace. That only He can give.
To our mighty legion of intercessors,
We rejoice in the Lord's grace all
week. I am scatter brained, and information keeps changing. So bear with possibly incomplete thoughts and ramblings.
Last Friday my caseworker came to the house where
conveniently all four grandparents were in town (which never happens)
for a double header baseball game. Due to Justin's broken arm mid
season we had some catching up to do. So the caseworker, let's call him
GT, comes over
and hangs out and eats dinner with us. I think the whole fan was as
enamored with him as we have been. He was saying that the kids we end
up with were born specifically for our family. Not a dry eye in the
place. Couldn't have planned all the out of town guests to be around.
GT said most same workers never meet the daily they go to represent.
That's nuts. He said he likes to be best prepared. Thank you, Lord, for
our GT who cares!
Tuesday
was our big day where we had our RAS meeting to find out if we were
picked for the
kids we had prayed about. Three families were up for grabs.
Apparently the caseworker and the facilitator met before the 1pm
meeting and had already agreed that we were the favorite. I got an email
at 1:50pm asking about when Derek got his pacemaker. I admit it sent
me in a tizzy. I cried out to the Lord asking that the pacemaker, which
had already raised some red flags of annoyance, would not be the wedge
that cut us off. GT told me later that he was only asking in case they
asked him.
I
am jamming to worship music, on my knees in prayer, and aching with
hunger with my second attempt at fasting. The home phone rings at 2:37,
but it just says the cell phone number without the persons name. I
answer and the music is too loud for me to hear. Then I hear the quiet
voice of my caseworker telling me we were number 1. They rank the
families 1-3 in case one of them pulls out midway.
I
literally just stand there stunned. I start rambling about my day and
how I had been earnestly fasting and praying and then he tells me I am
on speaker phone. We laugh, and then he asks if we can meet the kids on
Friday. What does our Friday look like? Stunned once again as I thought
it would be many weeks before we met them. I tell him my Friday can
look like whatever he wants it to look like. He says let's meet at 10am
and then he gets off to call me back
later.
I
immediately call Derek, but for some reason the call won't go through.
So I go to my knees in overwhelmed thankfulness to the Lord. And then
the weight from the years of this long season just seems to be
lifted. And I
just start sobbing. From the depths of my soul I start to release the
tears. No more sadness as He has turned my tears into dancing and
joyous laughter.
It was a sweet time, much needed, with a final closure on
what I thought I
once wanted.
I
call my husband, who after I told him we were meeting the kids in three
days just sat stunned. Didn't see it coming is an understatement. But
how gracious of the Lord to move it along
quickly!
I
start the phone calls and texts. Which I got a new phone two weeks ago
to replace my old messed up one and sent texts to the short list I
currently had on my phone memory. The rest I just had to rely on the
Lord
to give me because I was having a hard time
remembering anything.
GT
calls back and says they are motivated to move this along and want to
do a foster-to-adopt placement and place them by Tuesday. As in one
week. My jaw literally drops. Oh my word. I
tell him that's
great. He says we will love the kids caseworker as he cried two times
during the meeting. GT says wait until you meet the MICHAELIS' as you
will all be crying the entire time. I love it.
Justin
wakes up from
his nap and we tell
him about the kids. He gets the big dimple grin and then Derek asks him
if he's excited or nervous. He says definitely excited and looks
quizzically and asks why he should feel nervous?
Then it's game time and
Justin gets on his
uniform for a makeup rainout game before his baseball playoffs this weekend. He's been taking about it all season.
The
kids caseworker, which we will call RJ, then calls me. He says he
normally doesn't call
like this but is so
excited because of how much he loves these kids. He said if he was in a
place to adopt them he would adopt them himself. He said when he saw
our life book, which is unlike anything he had seen before, he just
knew. And he didn't know if it was subliminal but the cover had Justin
with his lost tooth as the main photo. He said it was better than a
photo of the whole mainly because it showed how much we love kids. I
said I just thought it was a cool photo artistically and described a lot
about us (dental hygienist talking here).
I
got giddy talking about how great these kids were. I know there's a
long journey ahead of us but how sweet of the Lord to give me children
whose caseworkers and care givers care so much about them.
Then
I find out yesterday they are coming my house Saturday morning at 10am
to stay the weekend and then Monday at 10am is the official placement.
Then the clock starts ticking and hopefully by national adoption day,
before thanksgiving, it would all be finalized and they would be
MICHAELIS'. Sorry for the all caps but my iPad does that every time and
I'm too lazy to care.
So......
Tons
of people asking how to help. Several friends loving me by acts of
service and running errands for girl things that make my head spin.
Bloomers under dresses...new world, people! I have such a wonderful
group of people taking care of me. I am in that fog like when we moved
in where I can't seem to do anything and I walk around in circles.
Friends that have loved me selflessly - I love you. I cannot repay
you. You have been the body in so many ways. Acts of service make me
feel so loved.
My
sweet sister in law, Elise, and nephew, Daniel, are in until Friday and
have been blessing us with their presence. Elise is such a calming
spirit to me to have around. Anointing my house with prayer,
encouraging me to say no to things, making me food and making beds. She
knows my love language!
My
kitchen tiles broke in a few places and were replied on Tuesday. There
has been a cloud of dust that doesn't seem to go away lingering all over
the house. Nothing gets me more in a tizzy than random weird things
going wrong in the house.
Speaking
of tizzy, Monday afternoon Justin seemed to be in a sinful spiral so we
took a break and did one of his devotionals. He then asked to read the
ten plagues. I asked all ten? And he confirmed. So we snuggled up and
read about pharaoh's hard heart and Egypt not letting the Israelites go.
Moses and his obedience to
the Lords instructions. Then we came across this verse in
chapter 9 of Exodus:
15 For by now I could have stretched out my hand and struck you and your people with a plague that would have wiped you off the earth. 16 But I have
raised you up[a] for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.
Through
tears I told Justin that that was the exact reason why we have been on
this long journey. The Lord could have brought us babies long time ago.
But He chose not to because His Glory and His Name were at
stake. Such a great word I have
been clinging to this week.
I was thinking on Sunday while I was writing in my prayer
journal how I starting desiring baby #2 right before Justin turned 1.
Which was right around the time the 4 yr old boy was born. And how in
February 2009, after leaving a baby shower (#3,578) and just sobbing on
the way home while listening to Natalie Grant's Make a Way. Telling the
Lord I was tired of celebrating everyone else. What about me? And I
heard Him audibly tell me in the car ,"It's not just about you. It's
bigger than that.". And then 3 yr old girl was born the next month. The
Lord
and His timing.
I
haven't been the same ever since. Watching Him weave so many people
interested in this saga. I wouldn't trade it for anything. It has
changed me, softened me, released me. Suffering for His Glory and all
the while
opening up my home to children that need one.
I
remember Wendi telling me her cousin fostered and I would do a good job
since I love other people's children well. Jen telling me I should use
Arrow Ministries someday and do the CPS
thing. Ashley with her passion for adoption and I would try to hide in a
corner. Politely telling them and many others
that just wasn't for me.
And here we are.
And
RJ, the kids caseworker, is cool. But there are CPS rules. For awhile
we need to refer these kids as out foster kids, not the long awaited
completion to our family. So not Justin's brother and sister quite yet
but our foster kids.
My buddy, Dana, helped decorate the kids' room, which they shared at first. They were used to sleeping together and we already had the two beds. It is now a 100% girl room.
As I have been getting this email together, I am a little dumbfounded at how crazy this all was! Waking up one morning knowing we were going to meet our kids!
Driving to the CPS office was strange. I was nervous, excited, and everything in between. We get there and meet the caseworker that picked us. He is so young, and yet another person the Lord used on this journey to do His biding.
Then we are ushered into a room. And we meet the foster mom while my future babies are playing on the ground. They both look nothing like the photo we saw, which as a detail oriented person I first take in. It's awkward, making small talk with the woman who was called "Mom" for a year and a half. Trying to take in the kids, and later finding out the CPS caseworkers are on the other side of the glass watching the whole thing. Putting it together we all like Rice University, getting the kids' schedules, watching both boys start to climb like animals on the chairs. I keep thinking, "When can we take them somewhere? Will they even want to go with us? When will the little girl talk to me?"
And then they tell us we can go. We all agree we will be back by 3pm. And we load up the kids....and leave.
From another email:
The
day couldn't have gone better. We hung out at the CPS office for about
an hour which is a little awkward knowing someone is behind the glass
window watching, which I learned halfway through. Talked with the foster
mom who ran a tight ship with not a lot of sugar intake, naps, bedtime,
etc. They still nap - praise Jesus come join our napping family. They
love Rice University and just so happened to be at the same game last
Sunday that Derek and Justin were at for the 12 inning shoot out. Small
world.
We
then went to chick fil a where little girl starts going through my
purse with a vengeance and putting on lip gloss. Melted my heart that
girly girl. grabbed my mirror and carried it around the entire day. Would
look in it to check herself out a lot. Little boy want to do
everything Justin wants to do. They literally wrestled and played the
whole time at the office. Apparently little boy is also physical touch
and loves hugs. Welcome, once again, to our family.
We
went to the zoo. Took the stroller for the first time in years. Baby
girl has a cast due to a hairline fracture on her leg. Doesn't stop her
from doing anything. Today didn't like having her picture taken unless I
was holding her. Wanted me to hold her, hold her hand, Smile at her.
Playfully but firmly didn't want Derek to hold her. That will change.
Little boy is hilarious. Ball of energy, never meets a stranger, waved at everyone, and always asked where Justin was.
Back from another email:
Wasn't
like an a-ha moment like these were out forever kids because we were
always talking about what their "mommy and daddy" say or do. But Derek
and I kept looking at each other saying it shouldn't be so easy. It just
flowed. It was natural.
Things
I heard them say. She told me she had a mommy that cared for her but
now I would be her mommy. I asked her if that was okay. She said yes
with a big smile. He talked about wanting to be adopted and a forever
mainly and how he was so excited to be in our family. They obviously
had been prepped well.
I feel more at ease tonight than I have all week. Maybe because I know the Lord will provide.
This
song still brings tears to my eyes and I can't sing it without crying. A
wise friend asked me why, checking my heart. I told her because I could
truly say it was well with my soul. Thankful for the journey. Striving
to be faithful to the Faithful One.
When peace, like a river, attendth my way
When sorrows like sea billow roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
I can ramble no more. Mental exhaustion has set in. Off to sleep one last time as a mother of one.
So we go to bed, sleep well, and then at 9am the next morning they show up with Rocky. Alexis drags her cast over to Roxy and doesn't move for 30 minutes. Levi goes upstairs to the plethora of toys that Shawnna had bought for my kids. Rocky, their caseworker, their advocate, their ultimate buddy, watched as he was quickly forgotten. He leaves, we play, then sit down for a quick lunch. Then it's off to Justin's baseball playoffs that he has been dreaming about for months now.
We run into the Wilburns and everyone in between. It's weird, its fun, I feel like I am daydreaming. Justin's team loses (praise Jesus!), and I take the younger ones, my new ones, home solo for a nap. I can handle this, right? I take care of lots of kids. Piece of cake. On the way home I ask them what they want to call me. Levi says Momma and Lexi says Mommy. Melt. my. heart.
We get home to this banner from Mariana and Erica. It stayed up for weeks!
They loved it and felt so loved. I then take them to their room, turn off the light, turn on the noisemaker, and then Lexi freaks out. Starts screaming which makes Levi cry. Both want their old mommy and want to go home. I eventually call Derek, whose cell phone is on vibrate, and tell him to leave the baseball end-of-the-season party and get home. NOW!
I find out later they slept with a closet light on, Lexi was still in a crib (let that sink in), and no noisemaker. I sleep with Lexi, having to basically keep her in her bed, as she sobbed exhausted tears. She finally falls asleep, and Derek laid down with both boys in the other room doing the same thing.
I had lots of friends that had wanted to be waiting at my house when the kids came, which of course would have been a big no-no. Everyone was waiting in the distance, seeing what was needed, or thus allowed. My parents were on their way to the beachhouse and called if we needed anything. I sobbed that we needed dinner and didn't even feel like one of us oculd leave the other while going to get it. They bring us Lupe's, play with the kids, and help us out them to bed. And had conversations with Levi about the couch having legs and red eyes under his bed. Poor boy had a bag of skeletons and lots of deep questions about his mommy loving him in heaven and such. TOO MUCH for a four year old!
That afternoon, in our delightful fog of joy and terror, we played some t-ball. Levi is a lefty! Welcome to the family of lefties!
My parents took this on their way out. We were all reading in my Bible chair about a children's devotional. Best way to start out!
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Picking berries before dinner. And no, we didn't eat them.
The next day after we got the kids, as in 24 hours, we decided to go to church. I grabbed the first dress form the bag of clothes from Erica (my house at this point was a hurricane disaster of things everywhere), attempted a side ponytail using rubber bands I haven't used since, and away we went. Lexi sat in church with us and Levi and Justin were in the same class.
Levi's first Lochinvar experience.
And I wrote this last email before falling off the face of the earth with any type of modern communication for months...
Things I don't want to forget.
Lexi loves the monitor. She wants me to be in another room while she goes in her room and says, "Hi momma!"
They love electric toothbrushes and want to brush their teeth all the time. Praise Him!
Leevye about every hour will call out, "Momma? Where are you? I want to give you a hug."
Leevye sleeps with "his brother" for nap but still is frightened at night. He asked Derek last night about the couch growing legs while Derek and Justin were reciting psalm 56 about when you are scared. Derek told me later he has some demons and I have been praying that the spirit of fear would leave him.
They love my "Bible chair" as they call it. When we gave them the tour of the house their eyes lit up when I told them I sat in my chair and read God's Holy Word. We get out the Bible and talk about what it means. We have busted out all the old Bibles in the house and every time they wake up from nap or bed they want to immediately go to the chair and read a Bible story. It's so hard to discern where to begin as there is so much to tell them. Leevye after our prayer yesterday said,"I'm trustin Jesus today". I pray he does.
I have been prayerful of where to go back with biblical instruction. Yesterday we started the ABC bible verse book and had LOTS of chances to practice "a soft answer turns away wrath" from proverbs 15:1.
Leevye yesterday said when the devil gets in his head he hits his head. Or watches a movie not to be scared. So we talked about trusting Jesus instead and praying the Lord will protect our thoughts. So at breakfast he said he could feel the devil in his head so he stepped out of the room and said a quick prayer to trust I Jesus. Sweet boy.
The kids love to hold hands during prayer before meals.
Leevye potty trained but wants to wear pull up like everyone else at night. So now we all wear pull ups and only my eldest wakes up wet. But seriously I couldn't have asked for more with three kids in undies during the day. Praise Him for the little things!
I was thinking on day 2 of bathing Lexi with her cast how good of the Lord to allow Justin to have a hairline fracture on his arm a month before so the cast didn't overwhelm me and wasn't just one more thing to stress me out.
I have been amazed, only by His grace, how I carry on each day, stress free. Each day feels like a month, not in the length but how far we've come each day. Each day is so much better than the last. If only Derek could stay home everyday (he's off this week) and just help put kids down for nap. We are needing people to sleep with us initially and in different rooms. It will get better.
They both love the windows down in the car and love sticking their head out of the sunroof when we get in the garage. It's the little things.
Leevye likes to get our guests water and runs to my vase cabinet and wants to give everyone a vase as their party favor as they leave. Such a giving spirit. So eager to please.
Lexi is funny with men. I hope this changes as we were talking about how she doesn't like daddy bc he is pretty. I quickly talked about daddy being the authority and the Lord wants us to desire to respect him. Each day gets better as she receives love, hugs, and asks for him more and more.
I desire alone time with Leevye and yesterday the Lord answer my prayers by giving me confidence in not always having Lexi on my hip. Leevye woke up first yesterday morning and we had sweet time.
Roxy has also been a faithful helper in putting kids to bed. Last night Leevye and Lexi and I were in their room and everyone got to choose one breathing creature. Leevye got Roxy and Lexi got her momma. Then Lexi wanted Roxy, so I told her I was going to Leevye. Will once she realized momma left her bed she started wailing. I stayed out, and sure enough after 3 minutes she stopped. Leevye as he was falling alseep got a back rub from me like my parents used to do. He kept putting his arm around my neck almost securing me in place for the night. They all understand I sleep with Daddy and am only there for a brief moment.
I sleep six hours and then the Lord wakes me up around 4am. I then have sweet time with Him in the morning, answer a few emails, make a few amazon orders, and catch my breath.
I have just felt His grace in all of this. Yesterday CPS and my caseworker and my foster caseworker from Arrow were all over for paperwork. Apparently, due to info I will not give, they needed to be quickly removed from their last home. Thus why we are doing foster to adopt and not a straight adopt. So now I have to do weekly paperwork. A minor set back I would trade for all the "mommy" and hugs I get all day now.
Derek has been such a great daddy. Always helping, hugging, kissing, nurturing.
It's a blessing I can't blog about this. I need to just be where I am at. I was thinking I would have taken photos of everyone who came to visit, etc. don't be shy about coming to see us. We have had unannounced or last minute visitors all afternoon and evening each day. The kids love everyone who comes and the more kids the merrier. Lexi loves her some baby.
My caseworker, GT, came over yesterday and I was telling him how we have bonded so quickly. He said we are only looking a the now. It has been God ordained that I would be these kids' mother. So of course they would take to me because they were always supposed to. I could listen to that man all day. He is so encouraging, and told me to give his cell number to anyone who ever wanted it.
I have never seen such hunger for a Savior. It has been such a sweet picture of the gospel. I feel like Leevye thinks that nothing else worked so why not try this. We talk about the Lord, in our verbal correction, in creation, in our prayers, etc. and they are asking on top of that. They want more. They yearn for their Creator because He designed them to want Him. O Lord, may you gather them into your flock.
You will love our sweet kids. You will smile when they sin and know that all we can do is verbally correct. You will bed amazed at how they automatically seem like they have been with us for much longer. And you will praise the Lord in His great faithfulness on display for all to see. He is faithful, and He is being glorified in our open display of our family.
I hear stirring children. Off to start the day.
Off to start my life...
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1 comments:
Loved seeing the pics that accompanied these precious moments. Sitting here with tears streaming again.
"Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness." Psalm 115:1
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